Thanks for stopping by...
I'm not sure how you have happened upon my blog but I’m glad you did. I began blogging several years ago, although initially it was a private journal I kept just for myself. In time, however, I began to share my blog publicly, and now I have quite a few folks who check in with regularity. Perhaps you’ll become one of them!
So who am I? Well I have to tell you, I still haven’t quite figured that out. But I keep working on it. I just passed the half-century mark, and I'm hoping that I'll figure out just who I am someday soon. Maybe by the time I'm sixty?
I’ve had some...um...pretty incredible life experiences at both ends of the spectrum, and I share a lot here--maybe too much sometimes. But I’m having a good time, so what the heck. And the focus of my blog for the coming months will be recording the details of the trip of a lifetime (for me anywy): a thru-hike of the 2,187-mile Appalachian Trail. Check in and if my adventures intrigue you, stick around.
I hope you enjoy! I give you my regards and wish you…
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
After it's fired I will glaze it using earth-tones, then use the top row of holes to lace it to a tree near his burial site, and the bottom row of holes to attach wind-chimes, colorful glass, whatever feels right.
Ethan's gravestone is finally completed but not yet installed. This long, drawn-out process is very painful. Pat and I went to ensure the marker was to our satisfaction and it hurt so badly that I spent the rest of the day in my bed. But I made myself get moving again the next day. One day of emotional paralysis is okay, but no more..
I'm hooked. I've decided to become certified. Pat's not thrilled with this decision, but he understands my heart and he's supporting me.
Pat and I are headed to New York in a couple of days. We're going to watch a singles' tennis match between the top two players in the world: Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic; and a doubles match between the Brian Brothers and the McEnroe brothers. Should be some amazing tennis to watch!!!! We are both looking forward to it but Pat made me promise: NO SOCIAL MEDIA DURING THIS TRIP! This trip is to be just for us, but I'll let you know how it went when we get home. In fact, I'm signing off until early April.
I've seen two pictures of my absolutely gorgeous granddaughter and I am very, very grateful. I am unable to share them with you at this time, however, but I wish I could show you just how heartbreakingly beautiful she is. Just like her daddy and her mama. With that DNA combo Lyla truly won the genetic lottery. How I hope with all of my heart that I may one day be a part of her life.
So...my hair. What do you think? (Hopefully you realize that I would NEVER do something like the other to my hair...but this one's fun. I like it.)
Friday, February 21, 2014
At any rate, happy two months "birthday," little one. I really hope to meet you some day. I have presents for you, but it's time for me to find another little girl to give them to. But I really thought that you'd look precious in these. They have a certain sassiness that I'm sure you have too, because some of my blood flows in those little veins! I've had them for about six months. They're sized for newborns.
I hope a day comes when I get to spoil you, as every grandma should with her grandchildren.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
You left us eight months ago today, yet for me the pain of losing you is as raw as though it were yesterday. At first I was numb. It didn’t feel real. I wanted to deny it and proceed with my life as if it didn’t happen. I even considered taking rowing classes in North Carolina. I moved robotically and smiled when I was expected to, pretending in my heart that you were still here. But I slowly withdrew from the world, even my own family, and I kept to myself in my room, coming down to eat only when everyone was asleep. I even kept your daddy at bay; he moved downstairs so I could be alone. And then I had a breakdown. I didn’t want to live any more, and I wanted to follow you. But I didn’t, because I knew the pain you left in your wake, and I didn’t want to repeat that for those I love. So I reached out and sought help. How I wish you had done so, too.
Today, again, I want to follow you, too, but I won’t. I won’t because it is wrong---but darling, I understand why you did what you did, and I forgive you. I want so badly to follow you…but I won’t. I must move forward. I must. I have to show, for you and me and the rest of the world, that no matter how much it hurts, we must trust that better days are ahead. It’s called “hope,” and without it there is nothing.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Ethan is with me every day. He is my first thought upon waking and my last thought in the evening, and I am constantly wishing him peace. I do so hope he has found the peace he sought. And I am looking for a peace of my own, and I believe I am getting closer every day. I am moving forward to the best of my ability for him, for Aiden, and for all of those I love. One day I will be doing so for me as well.
Up until my surgery, I was working out regularly. I'll soon return to that. I am determined to do a half marathon this year with my friend Jessica, even if I have to walk parts of it. Whether I walk it or jog it (I won't RUN it, for sure) or some combination thereof (most likely), I just want to do it. And in December, hopefully a full marathon too. I am at a weight that I am comfortable with (though the loss of a couple more pounds would still be nice), and I want to do everything I can to maintain it, but also to get toned and fit.
I am going to set up an appointment with an advisor at UT to discuss the possibility of returning to school. I'm working on the 30-year plan. I know I didn't put it on my bucket-list, but I have always wanted to have a college degree. I think it's time to do something about it. Rhiannon, Jeremy and Pat are all Aggies (or, in Rhiannon's case, an Aggie-to-be); Ethan was a Longhorn and I, too, feel the need to represent Austin's own UT! I was a student there 24 years ago. I'd like to return. Rhiannon, Jeremy and Pat's blood may run maroon, but Ethan's and mine are burnt orange all the way. We need a UT graduate in this family. I think I'm going to do it for Ethan and me. Toby is still on the fence about what he wants to do post-graduation. He'll be taking a gap year to figure things out.
I'm thinking seriously of becoming a certified skydiver, but Pat is against this. I'm also considering returning to tae kwon do to earn my second degree black belt. I refuse to grow old quietly!
Monday, February 3, 2014
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Thursday, January 30, 2014
still read this if they knew how (before I fixed it)!!!!
(There are several that aren't on here yet. They're hand-written on a paper upstairs somewhere, so I'll update later.)
P. S. This post-script is being written days after I wrote this post. It was brought to my attention tonight during my Superbowl party that for those who knew how, my previously blacked-out posts were still readable! I am so embarrassed about this, especially # 51. What can I say? I'm a little naughty. I just hope there weren't many of you who read them. And I thought that when Anonymous said s/he liked #11 and #51, s/he was joking because s/he couldn't see it! Now I wonder...at least a couple of people know some of my secrets now. Sigh. The only reason I kept them here but blacked them out was because I was going to use the post straight from my blog for further editing for a project I am working on; otherwise I'd have done what I now have, which is REMOVE THEM altogether. I know what they are (and now some of you do, too, dammit!!!). Please try to forget that I wrote those things. Ugh. (Smiling sheepishly. At least both are things I want to do with my husband!)
Monday, January 27, 2014
(Yes I'm posting a lot because I finally feel good enough to sit up and work at my computer, but NOT good enough to try to do anything outside of my house.)
by: Jaroldeen Asplund Edwards